Category: Women’s Work


Okay, so I think I’ve about hit my breaking point when it comes to some women and their P.D.R’s  (Public Displays of Ratchetness)…yes, the foolishness has bubbled over into the mainstream, and I am afraid that it won’t end there! Everywhere you turn, you can see evidence of wayward individuals losing their d*** minds in ways that will leave you cringing in pain, and catching face spasms, because you were side-eyeing soo hard. I felt compelled to chronicle the antics of all of the cousin Alize and Lysol’s out there– I have to! You all are driving me to drink!

1. Wearing sleep attire outside

Now, this offense has left me scratching my head many times, solely because I can’t think of a reason that one can use to justify this mess! Gimme one, and I’ll do the “Gator Dance” outside, buttnaked while holding an icicle…

There’s simply NO reason you should be out in the street with a scarf that you’ve been sweating in, dripping last night’s sleep spittle on, I’m sorry…not this TAHM. Oh, and let’s not forget the “hometraining: 101” dropouts who think it perfectly acceptable to walk out in your pajama pants!!!!!!!!!!! o_O …big mama should snatch yo simple behind back into reality with that foolishness, and throw in a switch or two on top it off. The only time people who commit this crime should get a pass, is if your house is burning to the ground, and all of your clothes where in the washing machine…that’s all.

2. Gurl that’s not your size aka denial

We see you standing in the department store ma’am, between the junior misses and petites, when you know your tail should be in the grown folks section. We all agree and know that beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, ages and look fierce. However danggit, if I see another one of you ‘holding onto a dream’ tragedies out there, I’m going to hem you up, and pull an on the spot makeover right then and there.  If you’re 50, don’t dress like you’re 20; if you’re tall, don’t try to shrink your body into your little sister’s jeans! I won’t have it! STOP COMMITTING THESE CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY! I know that demi bra looks nice, but if you’re working with big guns, don’t put them in sling shots…same thing goes for panties! You know what I’m talking about, you ass decapitators.

3. Following ALL trends

Last year, a great catastrophe occurred when someone decided to be the first person to wear leggings, and made them popular. Lemme give you some insight on this one, just because it’s popular or a trend, doesn’t mean you have to follow it. Not every look floating around out there is meant for EVERYONE. Leggings, half the head shaved off, daisy dukes, meat dresses etc. No hun…nah uh…so what you saw Jada wearing it, it don’t fit you boo! Let it go!

4. Maintenance

I know it’s hard out there. In between taking care of the kids, and maintaining the household, it’s very easy for us goils to fall behind with daily up keep of our persons. However, never in the history of the world should a lady step one pinky toe out of her house without basic hygiene approval. I mean c’mon sweetie, do I really have to tell you about a pumice stone? or a toenail clipper, especially if you’re going to don sandals!!!!!!!!!????? NO!!!!!!!!!! Some of you ladies are out there walking around like you’ve done a stint on the Flintstones, and starting the car with your feet! Oh heck naw…mayne! Fix dem hooves.

5. Your lace front is ALL wrong!

I wanna create a prayer circle for the sad individual who invented the lacefront wig, because your soul is in all kinds of danger, filled with darkness and despair. Who in the Sesame Street universe told you, you can fabricate this scalpofsin? Thousands of follically challenged women are strutting around like Kenya tahkinbout “I’m gone with the wind fabulous!”…uh, no you’re more like here with a breeze ratched. What’s even more tragic is that some of the flock are being bamboozled, led astray, run amok into thinking they can just get any ol rug and slap it on their heads! Nooooooooo….tumblr_inline_mfxa5iy8QB1qj6pum

6. White eye liner?…black eye liner for your lips?!

Yeah…okay. Leave that wet n wild makeup alone my dear. JUST SAY NO! I REBUKE YOU! While we’re on the subject of makeup, please for the love of all things sacred find foundation that matches your natural skin tone! The undead look is NOT cute…and what’s up with these ‘the rock’ eyebrows???? Nope, have a seat.

If I forgot anything, please lemme know! This is your P.S.A for the day.

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Forgive and Forget? Not so fast.

The three faces of abuse

The three faces of abuse

So, apparently it’s the season of return of the battered ex’s. First it was Rihanna canoodling with Chris Breezy, whom for a lack of a better term, hockey checked her face not too long ago; then there is Ms. BBW Evelyn Lozada, whom endured “unnecessary roughness” from her husband Chad Johnson (of only a month) in the form of a head butt, only to turn around and recently show up in court with him, and drop the restraining order she filed against him.

This leads me to wonder, what’s with the “Stand by your man: Abusers edition”? I mean really WTF is going on? Growing up, I was always taught that if anyone put their hands on you, or threatens your safety in ANY way, that means immediate expulsion from my life and a call to the local authorities! Why aren’t these women getting the same message?

Unfortunately, abuse doesn’t have to be physical, it doesn’t even need the presence of bruises in order to make it real! And the pain goes must deeper than that of the scars.

a·buse  (-byz)

tr.v. a·bused, a·bus·ing, a·bus·es

1. To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: abuse alcohol; abuse a privilege.
2. To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.
3. To force sexual activity on; rape or molest.
4. To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.
5. Obsolete To deceive or trick.
n. (-bys)

1. Improper use or handling; misuse: abuse of authority; drug abuse.
2. Physical maltreatment: spousal abuse.
3. Sexual abuse.
4. An unjust or wrongful practice: a government that commits abuses against its citizens.
5. Insulting or coarse language: verbal abuse.
I guess I’m just trying to wrap my head around this nonsense, making sure that I pay close attention and it get it right. Needless to say I’m not quite there yet, because it all seems foreign to me in some way. On one hand, one should make absolutely sure you’re not “Victim Blaming”, absolving the abusers and vilifying the abused. However, where does it stem from?
There’s an epidemic invading the African-American community, invading our homes, churches, and our interpersonal relationships with one another. We’ve seem to have adopted a social acceptance for domestic violence against women, and worse, sometimes assigning blame to the female. The disease comes in the form of apathy towards the our women and children at the hands of grown men, whom assert themselves physically and psychologically on the helpless and those weaker than them. We’ve gone from blind acceptance to outright fervent support of known attackers. One case springs to mind, illustrating that very same fact, the case of R. Kelly and the allegations of his sexual abuse of minors. I still remember the outpouring from supporters in the days and weeks following the initial arrest, despite the fact, Mr. R-ruh Kelly was caught on VIDEO!!!! lemme give you dat one more gain…CAUGHT ON VIDEO! engaging in sexual acts with an underage girl. Many black women–shockingly and disheartening came to his defense, even to this day. They didn’t come to the rescue, because they had their doubts (not sure how can one have any doubts), but because of their “love” for his music– choosing to instead horribly claim the young girls “knew exactly what they were doing” and “the parents were just out to get a quick buck”, ultimately attributing their victimization to adolescent promiscuity. What?! Amazingly the black community has welcomed him back with open arms, essentially letting bygones be bygones, and who can forget the heinous murder/suicide crime of pro-footballer Jovan Blecher, who savagely shot girlfriend and mother of his 3-month old daughter, Kasandra Perkins, before shooting himself in the head. Reports have recently surfaced involving the alleged “cause” of the fatal argument. Apparently, the mother of Jovan Blecher has come out stating the reason the argument occurred was expressly due the fact Blecher’s paternity was in question!
I ask you, why is that relevant news? Why was it necessary to disclose that information? As if it somehow justifies his decision to murder. Again, the presence of victim blaming at its best. A psychology evident in the incidents of Evelyn and Rihanna as well. Remember how everyone immediately thought Rihanna must have provoked Chris Brown? Or that Evelyn’s poor choice in men is what led her to get pummeled?
However, how can one justify it when the victim goes back to their abuser? Does all sympathy go out the window then? Maybe it’s a case of Stockholm Syndrome, where for reasons unknown the attacker is loved by the attacked. The aforementioned women have with straight faces, and unwavering support, forgiven, and (in Rihanna’s case) taken back the men who disrespected them in such a way. Can blame be rightfully placed on them then? Again, I wonder.

What we’re tackling here is kyriarchy. In a country that has historically emasculated black men in the collective sense, through disproportionate sentencing, profiling, and lack of education and occupational opportunities, some black men feel the need to assert their authority against the only people that they feel they can – their women and children.

It’s their way of asking, “Ain’t I a man?” “Do I have the right to control anything or anyone?” “In this nation of white privilege, if my woman or child ‘disrespects’ me, don’t I have permission to physically show them who’s the boss?”

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Being thought of a man, doesn’t include putting your hands on anyone weaker than you to “prove a point”. Abuse on anyone whether male, female, or child is morally reprehensible. Everyone deserves the right to be in charge of their own body and person.

In a study titled African-American Women and Violence: Gender, Race, and Class in the News, Marian Meyers gathers powerful data that proves silence and deflection in our community over issues of domestic violence are nothing new, writing:

A number of Black feminists have criticized the tendency within their communities to silence female victims of male violence while rallying around the men who abused them (hooks, 1981; Lorde, 1992; Richie, 1985; Smith, 1992). Lorde (1992) notes that the need for racial unity has made Black women ‘particularly vulnerable to the false accusation that anti-sexist is anti-Black’ (p. 500).

There have been numerous studies which show that black women, and women of color are disproportionately the inheritors of abuse. However, it is women who will point the finger, saying “well she must deserve it, because she’s staying!”, thus taking the power away for the violated and giving it to the violator. However, we whom are on the outside looking in, should be more sympathetic to the psychological well-being of those involved, because it is their life’s story which we do not know, and may never understand. The first lesson children get on relationships, and the social dynamics of them come from the home and from their parents; if the foundation is toxic, then their reasoning of it will be also.
We must try to find a way to teach, instead of preach or the cycle will never end.

“If you close your eyes to facts, you will learn through accidents.”

– Author Unknown

How many of you know who the 761st Tank Battalion, 332nd Expeditionary Operations Group & the 477th Bombardment Group aka The Tuskegee Airmen were? or the 366th Infantry Regiment; or the 92nd Infantry Division? and countless others? Many of these men fought and died for our country during WWII. However, how many of you heard about the women that served in their own way as well? “Invisible Warriors: African-American Women in World War II”, a documentary chronicling the patriotism of black women during the war, despite battling racism and genderization. Hollywood had immortalized the deeds of African-Americans during World War II with movies like Red Tails, A Soldier’s Story, and Hart’s War etc– Our history as seen through the eyes of cinematic history buffs or the zeal of some theatrical fact finders that push to get the story told. Although, I would rather prefer our heritage not be relegated to just stage and screen as a means of getting it seen or even heard, but I’ll take it being shown period, regardless of the platform in which it’s seen. Hence why, I’m hoping that this movie about these courageous women be made, and not just made, but celebrated and cherished especially for the younger generations to come– most importantly our little girls.

This is the debut solo project of Gregory Cooke, who served as associate director to another World War II inspired documentary called “Choc’late Soldiers from the USA”, which premiered at the Smithsonian Institution in 2009.

I love anything which gives our young ladies positive role models to carry within their spirits; to fashion themselves to emulate, and strive towards. Invisible Warriors is scheduled for completion in mid-2013,and will be donated to educators, cultural and civic organizations.

So, new pictures were released today showing Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone…all I can say is…nope nada, what in the hill?

Everyone knows I like to rant, and rant I do, ALL day EVERYDAY. However, I only do it when I have something to say, but on this? I’m struck speechless!!!!!!!!!

Image

Who do they think they’re fooling with this downright peanut and boo boo ratchetery? Now, this is by no means a put down of my girl Zoe, I love her, but this is not AVATAR, and no amount of CGI is going to make this passable. I wanna scream PINEAPPLES for this bad attempt to fool us, are we suppose to believe that these two women look alike?!…I can almost hear Maury saying “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!!” *cue the slab of shaquidakikinaynay (but they have the same pinkie toe) drop to the floor*

I’m not going to say anymore, because I’ve already gone into depth on it

But…

Nah ah Mr. Postman, Mr. big shot movie producer, I’m pretty sure you could’ve done WAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY better than that! And the church say amen….

I’m out!

Thrifty Thursday: Second Hand Helpings

We live in hard times, and the prices for things keep creeping and creeping up on you like a stalker.  Gas, food, housing……killing us in the pocket.  That includes clothing; but I’m here to tell you that you do not have to be rich in order to wear high-end, high quality threads.  I have Prada taste, but have a Walmart budget.  But I rarely pay retail for clothing and they still look great.  They key is to know where to go and what to look for.  This week we are going to focus on second hand shopping.  No this is not your average Salvation Army polyester pant search; though I kid because you can find really good items in the Salvation Army.  In the land of second hand there are different tiers of shopping (consignment, thrift, vintage) and with each one comes different prices.  But with careful searching you can find great clothing pieces for you or those in your family for a fraction of the original retail cost.  Here are a few of my favorite places for trendy clothes on the cheap……

Plato’s Closet.  This place only accepts clothes in REALLY good shape so be prepared to find clothes that have barely been or never been worn.  More for the teen to twenty-something crowd, though.

Buffalo Exchange.  The land of vintage.  Looking for a pair of Jordache jeans that are not beat to crap?  Being your search here.

Stork Broker’s – Looking for a great deal on baby clothing?  Great place to start.  These places are ultra picky in the items they accept for resale, so most of the items are like new.

Ebay.  Yes, ebay.  This place is a lot different than in years before, but you can still find a great deal here if you are up for bidding wars.  This place is usually for the tenacious and patient buyer.

Jill’s Consignment.  This place is for high end accessories (Chanel, Jimmy Choo, etc) so you will end up paying more, but you can still make a killing if you usually pay full retail for these items.

And there are the local shops in your town.  There are always tons in most major cities, so clear a Saturday and take a look.

Anyways those are some of the places where you can satisfy your designer addiction without going broke.

Happy shopping!

Thrifty Thursday: Diva on a Dime

Anyone that knows me knows I love a bargain.  I love, love, love low-priced anything.  And makeup is no exception.  The costs of some high-end cosmetics can make some people gag – I won’t name names, but one company that comes to mind starts with the 3 letters M.A.C. lol.  So what is a fashion and cosmetic conscious lady to do when she wants to look good and not compromise quality???? Hmmmm……..Below will be some resources you can look into with the hopes that it saves you money and keeps you looking good.  I wasn’t a wiz in math but paying $3-6 versus $13-26………….

nuff said.
This first site has a pretty deep cosmetic database that shows the dupes of  high end products that you love at a less expensive price.

http://www.temptalia.com/makeup-dupe-list

Many of the dupes in the above link will be from the below company.  I first heard of NYX Cosmetics on “RuPaul’s Drag Race”.  Yes drag queens showed me the way!!! I absolutely love the prices and was initially scared of what I would be getting, but the quality is great.  Deserves taking a look.

If you are into eyeshadows you may or may not have heard of Coastal Scents.  But the thrifty divas out there have nothing but positive things to say about their eyeshadows.  They do carry other cosmetics, so once again check it out.  What do you have to lose?
This company is kinda hit or miss for me, but for some of you it might be the makeup jackpot.  E.L.F. cosmetics are so low sometimes I wonder how they make a profit.  But I swear by their lip glosses and makeup brushes.  Their other items?  The jury is still out on that one, but hey $1 lip glosses???  You won’t be losing me as a customer anytime soon.

And last but not least who doesn’t remember this company as a teenage girl?  Wet n Wild has come a LONG, LONG, LONG, way since I last remember (and that was a long time ago!!).  Their color palettes have become more sophisticated, but their affordability has stayed the same.

So I hope I have given you some valuable resources to check out and save a buck.  And if you don’t wear makeup that’s fine.  I’m sure you know someone who does; so spread the word and help a sista out!

The misadventures of a newly single gal.

All Hip Hop and no love…

For the denigration of African American women.

 

Well well well VH1’s done it again, it has managed to corner the market of black exploitation, wrapped up nice and tight like a weave for the hungry masses of people to gobble up, and gorge upon happily. I’m referring to the face palm worthy behavior of the “ladies” of the network’s infamous reality series ‘Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta’ . For those of you whom aren’t familiar with the premise of the show, it’s basically a real life soap opera centered around Atlanta’s music industry– the good, the bad, and the ratchet. The show’s main host of characters (and I use the term deliberately) are :