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You’ve dropped a bomb on me.

So, this is my FIRST recap of Scandal, and I must say that I picked a lovely episode to do it on….

“I can stay awake just to hear you breathing…”

Ok, so can someone please explain to me why Olivia was sitting on the floor looking at Jake like Kathy Bates in “Misery”? She’s just laying her burdens down on the floor, fielding phone calls from her boo thang President Ghost, and getting the MMA shutdown from Huck!!!!!! lol Huck had no dambs to give to Olivia tonight, and she was feeling every bit of the girlfriend who got caught cheating on her man…”I’m fine, I just need some time”… a line that NO woman wants to hear from a guy, no matter if he’s a former assassin or not. You’s a cold mofo Hucky, a cold mofo. Can I get some nachos with that slurpee of heart feels please????!

“Mommy why don’t you lub Daddy neemore” – Cyrus”

I Can remember fondly my “family time” centered around the dinner table, and I’ll admit it wasn’t all rainbows, sunshine, and Jimmy Dean sausage goodness, but I can tell you it wasn’t nearly as cutthroat island as this scene with President Ghost, Raw dawg Mells, and whining Cyrus was. Who checks a man in the testicles so early in the morning????? I mean, can you at least pass the milk first?!? Sheesh!!!! And all Cyrus wanted was a pony for Christmas.

Miss Mellie got Fitz like Sophia in ‘The Color Purple’

I’m sorry Mrs. Cookoo for coco puffs, but your son is not right in the head, and apparently neither are you.

So the Gladiators get all kool-aid griny about the new client that just miraculously lands in their office, toting a publisher’s clearing house check…just full of giggles and 1st of the month happiness. However, things start to smell just a tad bit fishy when Ms. Nosey pants Quinn starts to reject the seats she so obviously needs to take, and hacks into their client’s bank account….uh, why?????? do you have a structured settlement and you need cash now???? …I bet you’re singing the song right now, but seriously who does this???? Let the woman give you her tithes, so what it was all the money she had, now you got it. Chile please. However, upon hearing this news, Olivia just so happens to feel the need to trot her Miss Jenkins “pastor appreciation” blue suit down to the “hill” to find Ms. Sanity Lost. Unfortunately, when Ms. Pout mouth does find her, she’s all taken aback by the fact she’s strapped like Royal and Jahighness in the hood over a ‘misunderstanding’. I’m sorry, but if someone gives me a bunch a money, I’m not going to ask why? First thing I’m doing is copping me a “pope coat”! Yeah I said it. The whole big to do was over the fact that Ms. Insane in Membrane wanted to uncover the truth about her son’s death (which she claims was wrongful) at the hands of the F.B.I. presumably for terrorist activities, but then you turn around and do the same thing miss payday, I guess the nut didn’t fall far from the tree. Too bad Wiki leaks got shutdown. Whoops! Needless to say explosives were involved, swat teams, and Ms. Infected lips doing her utmost to impersonate JuJu bean in Season two of Rupaul’s Drag Race. Also, might I add where were all the secret service agents? Were they so secretive that one one seems to know they exist? Too much for me to handle, plus why was President Ghost getting all ‘the girl is mine’ on Jake?! I mean you’re the president for goodness sakes, get another chick with sugar walls!!! I’m going to need you to take a seat right next to Quinn please….

Columbus Short aka Harrsion is fione

That’s all.

“Olivia causes more problems than she solves… – Rosen”

This is the truest line that I’ve heard so far since I’ve started watching the series, because I have yet to see Cambodian wig wearing, pouty lip Ms. Pope stay outta people’s bizzness. Olivia’s like the old lady that sits on her stoop, in her house coat and furry slippers, yelling at the kiddies to stay off the grass. I’m almost waiting for her to have a fly swatter over a big steaming pot of collard greens!!!! Olivia go get your life, before you sign that application for AARP. However, Rosen was on the wig snatching brigade tonight and Cyrus was stushed. lol

Cue the Star Spangled Banner

When did President Ghost get all patriotic? I mean I could practically hear the anthem playing in the background, with a series of images of sparklers, hot dogs, followed by the ‘off-air’ mind-numbing bleep at the end of the night. Don’t big now mister boss man I mean stop!

“If I have one more drink, I’m gonna end up hating you…is that what you wanna do shorty?”

Here is where we see Mellie get down and dirty, I mean Louisiana, catfish bayou, murky soul water dirty, especially when she comes for Mr. Jeeves aka President Ghost about his oh so precious bee sting jowl heifer. Filled to the brim with hooch (my favorite word), Mellie tries to entreat her “husband with benefits”, with a possible rump on Auntie Mame’s Thanksgiving table; when confronted with the notion of her being saddened by the missed opportunity of having her bee stung nemesis blown to kingdom come by Mr. Olivia, Raw take-no-*hit-off-of-you-and-yo-momma Mellie counters with a good ol rock em’ sock em’ punch that only Mellie can deliver:

Mr. Jeeves: “I would think that the last thing you’d want to do is celebrate; I’d think you’d be miserable, you missed out on your happy ending today. Olivia Pope being blown to bits?! That’s your dream isn’t it?

Raw dawg Mills: “Oh nooo, that’s my nightmare! if your whore had to died today, brave and strong, protecting a congressman inside the Capitol with a nation watching…Honey! The nails, the wood, cross you’d build and hammer her on, the worship you would feel for the rest of your days, down on your knees praying to saint Olivia Pope!! That would be…I’d lose…our little war…I’d lose. I am spectacular, but I can’t compete with religious fervor, so no, I was not hoping that she’d be blown up today, I’m not miserable that she survived. I’m celebrating cause Olivia Pope still walks this earth! She’s still alive, and as long as she is still alive, well she’s your flaw…your Achilles heel, which makes her my weapon. She’s the strings that if need be, I will pull to make my puppet husband dance…so cheers baby! Drink up! I live to fight another day!”

Mr Jeeves: *Gulps*

Womp

“Did you kill my father?”

Olivia strolls into her office all beaten, battered, and torn up like a 1$ hooker after a frat party, she stumbles upon Huck who looks like he’s just had his soul ripped out by God himself for questioning.  However, Olivia tries her best to offer some solace to Huck, (remember she did cheat on him! I mean she did right??? ) after a long pause, Huck reassures her that he’s not there to kill her, saying in fact he’s “All killed out today”. Apparently, this struck up some feels inside of Livy, because she then goes all Rambo on him, demanding to know if he snuffed out her father like a Qwki Mart match. You ain’t gotta lie Craig! You ain’t gotta lie! Hucks struggles to hold the pimp slap back on Olivia when he recalls how he tried to get a name of who’s in command. (Oh Huck’s gone bye bye birdie on us.) However, we see my boy Poppa Goon doing the jedi mind trick on Hucky bear, and suddenly Huck’s a walking slap chop commercial. Mannn…Rowan got people like Al Pacino in the Godfather…”Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.” I’m going to be Eli Pope for Halloween.

I feel for you, I think I love ya…

Despite what you think about Rowan/Eli Pope, you can’t deny that his and Olivia’s relationship doesn’t contain SOME shred of um…affection I guess? Albeit, twisted and weird, but you can’t say that Sid Vicious doesn’t care for his daughter. Ms. Blistex is ONLY chink in her father’s armor, an advantage that I don’t think she’s fully aware of…hmmm. I mean let’s not forget how easily Livy was able to get her father to release Huck, and now Jake’s benefitting from the genetic jedi powers…“the force is strong with this one”. However, I keep going back to what Ms. Wet your lips said to Jake, that the only reason he’s still alive is that he’s still useful to him in some way. So, it may not be over for boo#2 just yet.

I’ve just got onto the Scandal bandwagon, however these past few episodes have got me looking for absolution in the strangest of places. Shonda has got some explaining to do when I confront her about my frequent headaches, because I can’t seem to get my mind wrapped around the Bellevue Hospital craziness that she’s been dishing out.

Anyhoo people, that concludes my recap of Scandal.

I need a drink.

Scandal Mellie Fitz

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The Urban Daily

At exactly 1:30pm, in between an informal lunch and lazy post, my cellphone slipped off the counter, vibrating how it does when my alarm goes off. I grabbed my notepad, ran to a desolate place and slammed the door. One minute later, the desk phone flashed. “Hey this is Ice Cube,” the line on the other end of the receiver said. I wasn’t expecting him to call me himself. Routine suggested that I had a second to gather my composure. I was expecting a publicist, who normally is the liaison between interviewer and interviewees, but when you have a “crazy motherf***er straight out of Compton” on the line, there’s no time to be starstruck.

Ice Cubereal name O’ Shea Jackson–is one of the original “N****s With Attitude.” His rap group NWA used the “n-word” as an expressive term to chronicle life growing up as a black man in…

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Another new year approaches, but before all the confetti has been swept, the liquor guzzled, and the hangovers commence, let’s do a year’s recap of  all the excitement, tragedy, foolishness, and oh hell naw that occurred in 2012.

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See, what had happin was…yes, I said happin

So, the queen of talk, Oprah Winfrey has announced the next victim to sit on her televised couch aka “Oprah’s Next Chapter“, is going to be none other than Mr. Climax, Confessions crooner Usher Raymond himself; he’s reported to have said that he wanted to talk (and would ONLY) to Oprah herself in an effort clarify the real reason behind his divorce from Tameka Raymond, the bitter custody battle, and how he felt when his mother refused to attend their wedding. He also said that this with be the ONLY time that he’ll ever speak on the topic of his marriage, his children, and the drama that unfolded before our eyes the past three years….

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the notion of why Oprah wanted to create her own network, was to produce (and present) profound, groundbreaking, and provoking issues that one could be proud of…at least for someone of her caliber. It’s seems due to the lackluster ratings that the station has been getting, the pressure to step it up has kinda pushed the former queen of daytime talk into a corner, resorting to popcorn matinee-esque television. Some feel that Oprah has forgotten the reason for her successful career, and exactly what it took to get there. Instead, she seems to be more interested in turning tricks in a back alley just to boost her ratings…Is this true? I don’t know, I don’t KNOW Oprah, and I bet the people who said the above statements don’t know her either!!! In fact, I bet if they ever had the chance to meet her, they’d be kissing her red bottoms fo sho! 

Seriously, regardless of what you may think her true motives are, or the fact that recently her Super soul Sunday has been looking like something out of a Tyler Perry (also a bestie) script, you gotta admit, people are still tuning in to see it! Anyhoo, I for one am interested in why Usher married Tameka in the first place, especially when you could still see the Chilli aftermath still written on his face, and according to Oprah, he “brings it”! Well I don’t know about that, but I know I’m waiting for him say, “see what had happin was” yes, happin…lol 


I’m thinking, while she’s into this ‘chile, tell mama wat happin’ wave, she may want to get her bestie Gayle on said couch, and ask her how the view from her ass looks, since she’s back there all the time?!

Hey, I’m just saying. lol

Talk among yourselves…I’m out. 


Will the real emcee please stand up?!

As the haze of the recent Mtv VMAs starts to wear off like some bad weed trip, that is, it should be wearing off by now. However, given that people are surgically attached to their TiVo sets, and the network spoon feeding us with replays, I doubt it. I mean, who didn’t get enough of Kevin Hart (with his little self) basically get all narcissistic; trying so hard like it was his first day of school! LOL Who else cringed when he brought up Chris Brown’s and Drake’s fight during the opening of the show?! Oh, it was just me? Ok, I can live that, but I thought for sure Hart was going to get a good ol’ fashioned Hollywood swinging beat down backstage! 

 
Anyway, apart from the hopping John (yes, I said hopping John…if you don’t know what that is, go ask sumbuddy) behavior of Mr. Hart, I was left to stare at my tv screen during the performances, wondering to myself “Where’s the talent?” Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to share in this sentiment, my dad was having the same outer body experience that I was having, as we both stared at the tv witnessing the line of talent-less artists, come one after another, after another. All of this transpiring as I clicked back and forth between that foolishness and the DNC, which was ten times better than that hackneyed program…even Joe Biden managed to bring a so-so smile to my face, and that’s saying something. As, I was trying to shake off the catatonic induced duh look off my face, a question came out of my mouth that I may live to regret, not because I uttered it, but because it may have sparked a search that I fear may never end:
Are there any real emcees out there anymore?

Yes, I had this spring up during a yogurt commercial, to which I asked my dad “Do any real rappers or lyricists exist? To my dad’s credit, he did try to point out some artists that he felt were representing in the spit and flow category, and were “holding it down”, Yes people, this 59 year old man said this…I kid you not. lol However, I found myself wondering when was the last time I heard a record from them? Not disagreeing with my dad, but I had to express that very thought to him, to which he replied “That’s a lot coming from someone who doesn’t even listen to hip-hop anymore….pause…Yes, I literately paused, because he was right! I don’t listen to hip-hop anymore, I don’t look to hear the new songs coming hot off the presses; I mean, what happened? What happened to the girl who would know all the lyrics to Run DMC, Curtis Blow, Grand Master flash and the furious five (all thanks to Dad!), Biggie Smalls, Tupac, Lil Kim, Queen Latifah, Eminem etc. I still can remember my first record that I ever got, it was the Sugar Hill Gang with “Rapper’s Delight”…Thanks aunt Janice (R.I.P)…but, where are their influences now? I think that my FAITH in hip-hop is in danger, my hope for it is hanging onto some thin tendril of patience about to be swallowed up by my frustration for the garbage floating around out there. Instead of Jay-Z, Nas, Common coming out to decimate these amateurs, they lay quiet. No, now the hip-hop industry is being inundated with the NIcki Minajs, 2chainz, and Drakes, all the “club worthy” mockery out there. Sometimes, I wish Lauryn Hill didn’t go all ‘Beloved’ on people, and lose her damn mind!!! Or Lil Kim didn’t care so much about her face, than her art…Jay-Z stop trying to buy up every damn thing, and lay down some tracks! I’m pissed at Nicki, because believe it or not, she does have some talent. 


…and to all other legitimate artists out there, step away from the remote, and go back to the studio. 


What I wouldn’t give for another “Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” (yes, this is R&B, but still, girl could flow); “Ready to Die”; “The Chronic”; “Me against the World”; “36 chambers” and many more. Somewhere, there’s a young kid listening to these great albums, and trying to not copy, but improve upon them…I know they’re out there, I have to believe that they are, my faith depends on it, because like Common said “I used to love her”, but I wanna fall back in love. 


The greatest love of all…

February 11, 2012 Saturday, I’m sad to announce the passing of yet another African American cultural icon, Whitney Houston…

Sunrise August 9, 1963-  Sunset February 11, 2012

Words at the moment cannot express the shock of hearing this news, especially as an African American, I’ve seen many of my icons pass on within the last few years due to tragic, and unforeseen causes: Don Cornelius (Soul Train), Dwight Arrington Myers aka Heavy D, and Michael Jackson, along with countless others. We can’t say what caused the singer’s death, nor can we speculate what led up to her demise, however, I think I speak for all of us when I say that we had such high hopes for her return to the spotlight, and a successful (and sustainable) recovery. There are so many  things that one can’t fully comprehend as to what goes on in the life of someone who basically lived their whole entire life under the glare of flashing camera bulbs, media scrutiny, and the ever present insatiable appetite of the fans. All we see is the glitz, glamour, and fame, but what about the stuff that goes on behind closed doors?!

Recent events recall to mind the tragic story of Amy Winehouse, and much like Whitney, possessed a God given talent, and the ability to charm the masses with their angelic voices, unfortunately, regardless of the gift that was bestowed upon them, the blessing didn’t seem to alleviate the turbulent emotional waters that were raging inside. Although, my heart is heavy with sadness, sadness at the prospect that Whitney will never get to redeem herself in the way that we all knew she could, however, all I can do is wish (and pray) that she can finally be at rest, and that we ALL learn from her and countless others that followed along the same path of tragedy, not to take life for granted, and to be grateful for each day that is given to us.

Goodnight sweet princess, and let the flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.