Category: Relationships & Dating


Catch me! I’m falling…

Recently, I’ve become increasingly aware just how hard it is to find things to talk about, or better yet write about when it comes to a blog. I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read, Twitter updates I’ve glazed over like some drug addict, in my quest for the holy grail of sensationalism! Till I just said screw it, let me just talk about my life, and the crazy “oh heel naw” moments I’ve encountered within it, especially the ones which roam around in my mind.

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The placeholder relationship

We have all gone through it at one part in our lives–perhaps you’re going through one right now! The temporary, meantime in between relationship. We may have willingly entered into an union that we knew deep down in our guts to be wrong for us, but decided to step over the threshold based on some fear of being alone; we have perhaps tried to “swim up-stream” as it were, trying to fit a square peg into the round hole of our lives.

However, there’s something about a “placeholder” relationship that keeps us engaged, and willing to force it into some semblance of a paring which has no business of being  a reality in the first place. It could be that the man possesses good looks, prestige, or a great career; or the woman has an amazing body, and supermodel qualities, but underneath it all, they may also possess a behavioral trait that we deem to be a deal breaker! The kind of behavior that at any other moment you wouldn’t have even given them the time of day, let alone your body, heart and mind. Character should never be a trading chip for the cessation of loneliness. Although, this relationship may keep your bed warm on a cold winter night, but in all honesty, it’s holding you back from finding what really makes you happy.

The “nothing gets you over the old one, than a new one” ideology has gotten many into trouble, because we tend to find ourselves repeating a pattern of rebounds and drive thru hook-ups. Keeping us from truly finding “Mr. Ms. Right for me”, because “Mr. Ms. Right Now” is blocking our view. We all know that saying goodbye to an old relationship is hard, but we shouldn’t hold onto one that is going nowhere just so we can say that we’re going “somewhere”. Once we own up to the fact that this “placeholder” isn’t working in the first place, we may not enter into it at all. Once we do that, we then free ourselves up for receiving that forever love, or as Diana and Lionel said, “You’ll always be, my endless love!”  I bet you’re singing it right now, aren’t you? lol
Now, let’s take a cleansing breath…Inhale…count to three…exhale. Feels good right?!

Building a lasting relationship that will meet all of our your needs, not just our wants, takes some serious planning, and needs to be handled with the same care as you would any other serious issue in your life. Before you decide to be one half of a couple, first put all of the qualities (the serious and realistic ones) that you seek in a potential mate, weighing out the qualities that you value the most to the ones which don’t really make or break you, and apply it to all of your future romantic mates. However, really think about it…go into it with a long-term mind, and leave the temporary attitude behind. Oh that rhymed! Ok, back to being serious.

The bible tells us that “we shall know the tree by the fruit it bears” Matthew 7:17; same thing can be said about the involvements that we seek in our lives, whether it’s platonic or romantic. No one can keep up the charade for too long, and that which is hidden or done in the dark  shall be brought to the light. So, in other words, if you’re gonna come, you better come correct people.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to dissuade you from having relationship, but I’m trying to get you to acknowledge the pitfalls of seeking a meantime person, it’s alright to have friendships and date. However, you don’t need to call everyone you “hang out” with your boyfriend or girlfriend. We all want the wife, husband, and the 2.5 children (that expression always confused me.)– the white picket fence, with the two car garage. However, let me put it to you like this, how would all feel if you achieved that with someone you didn’t really LOVE!

It’d suck right?

If you don’t believe me, let me give you a real life testimonial from what can happen when you wait for the right one:

“Well I have been with my hubby for five years and we have been married three years. Well, we do not do the candle light dinner thing. We just talk,talk deeply about things from the heart. We make lots of love. We are honest with each other. We are always talking about improving our communication. We are just so deeply in love and hot for each other that it just really does not take much for us to get going sexually, emotionally, physically etc. LOL!”

Black Women Who Know Their Worth

Sounds FANTASTIC!….

Own your life dears, don’t EVER settle for someone or something that doesn’t make your spirit sing. Instead, remind yourself constantly, that you will not disrespect yourself by accepting less than, second, or also-rans. Never take anything that doesn’t honor your self-worth.

Be well my dears.

The misadventures of a newly single gal.