Category: Entertainment

Okay, so I think I’ve about hit my breaking point when it comes to some women and their P.D.R’s  (Public Displays of Ratchetness)…yes, the foolishness has bubbled over into the mainstream, and I am afraid that it won’t end there! Everywhere you turn, you can see evidence of wayward individuals losing their d*** minds in ways that will leave you cringing in pain, and catching face spasms, because you were side-eyeing soo hard. I felt compelled to chronicle the antics of all of the cousin Alize and Lysol’s out there– I have to! You all are driving me to drink!

1. Wearing sleep attire outside

Now, this offense has left me scratching my head many times, solely because I can’t think of a reason that one can use to justify this mess! Gimme one, and I’ll do the “Gator Dance” outside, buttnaked while holding an icicle…

There’s simply NO reason you should be out in the street with a scarf that you’ve been sweating in, dripping last night’s sleep spittle on, I’m sorry…not this TAHM. Oh, and let’s not forget the “hometraining: 101” dropouts who think it perfectly acceptable to walk out in your pajama pants!!!!!!!!!!! o_O …big mama should snatch yo simple behind back into reality with that foolishness, and throw in a switch or two on top it off. The only time people who commit this crime should get a pass, is if your house is burning to the ground, and all of your clothes where in the washing machine…that’s all.

2. Gurl that’s not your size aka denial

We see you standing in the department store ma’am, between the junior misses and petites, when you know your tail should be in the grown folks section. We all agree and know that beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, ages and look fierce. However danggit, if I see another one of you ‘holding onto a dream’ tragedies out there, I’m going to hem you up, and pull an on the spot makeover right then and there.  If you’re 50, don’t dress like you’re 20; if you’re tall, don’t try to shrink your body into your little sister’s jeans! I won’t have it! STOP COMMITTING THESE CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY! I know that demi bra looks nice, but if you’re working with big guns, don’t put them in sling shots…same thing goes for panties! You know what I’m talking about, you ass decapitators.

3. Following ALL trends

Last year, a great catastrophe occurred when someone decided to be the first person to wear leggings, and made them popular. Lemme give you some insight on this one, just because it’s popular or a trend, doesn’t mean you have to follow it. Not every look floating around out there is meant for EVERYONE. Leggings, half the head shaved off, daisy dukes, meat dresses etc. No hun…nah uh…so what you saw Jada wearing it, it don’t fit you boo! Let it go!

4. Maintenance

I know it’s hard out there. In between taking care of the kids, and maintaining the household, it’s very easy for us goils to fall behind with daily up keep of our persons. However, never in the history of the world should a lady step one pinky toe out of her house without basic hygiene approval. I mean c’mon sweetie, do I really have to tell you about a pumice stone? or a toenail clipper, especially if you’re going to don sandals!!!!!!!!!????? NO!!!!!!!!!! Some of you ladies are out there walking around like you’ve done a stint on the Flintstones, and starting the car with your feet! Oh heck naw…mayne! Fix dem hooves.

5. Your lace front is ALL wrong!

I wanna create a prayer circle for the sad individual who invented the lacefront wig, because your soul is in all kinds of danger, filled with darkness and despair. Who in the Sesame Street universe told you, you can fabricate this scalpofsin? Thousands of follically challenged women are strutting around like Kenya tahkinbout “I’m gone with the wind fabulous!”…uh, no you’re more like here with a breeze ratched. What’s even more tragic is that some of the flock are being bamboozled, led astray, run amok into thinking they can just get any ol rug and slap it on their heads! Nooooooooo….tumblr_inline_mfxa5iy8QB1qj6pum

6. White eye liner?…black eye liner for your lips?!

Yeah…okay. Leave that wet n wild makeup alone my dear. JUST SAY NO! I REBUKE YOU! While we’re on the subject of makeup, please for the love of all things sacred find foundation that matches your natural skin tone! The undead look is NOT cute…and what’s up with these ‘the rock’ eyebrows???? Nope, have a seat.

If I forgot anything, please lemme know! This is your P.S.A for the day.

Another new year approaches, but before all the confetti has been swept, the liquor guzzled, and the hangovers commence, let’s do a year’s recap of  all the excitement, tragedy, foolishness, and oh hell naw that occurred in 2012.

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Well, well, well Jamie Foxx’s hosting SNL tonight, and guess what?! He’s slinging his side gig movie– hoping y’all will help him feed his daughter, also can you spare some duckets for Quentin as well? However, I’m leaning more towards Foxx, because he’s the ONLY one that I’m seeing getting all QVC with this film! Not even a Dicaprio sighting. NOTHING!

I feel they’re under attack from the IRS, and that a** is finna to have to walk the strip! lol either that or they’re trying to put us all under the spell of this movie.

ogvibes:kidxforever:theoddmulatto:julianplowden:I remember this They tried to convince Uncle Phil he was in a dreamThat’s not Uncle Phil though … … . . ^nigga thats not uncle phil , thats rick rosses older brother , Nick rosslmfao, hell yea ^ lolol Nick Ross.GO HOME TUMBLR DAMMIT!!!! I QUIT YOU TODAY!!!!!

You know you want to see Djaaannngggooo….gooooo…seeeeeee…DJANGOOOOOOO!!!!!!


You’ve heard of the old adage “Curiosity killed the cat”? Well, this is one time I wished I wasn’t going through one of my “bored/research” phase, because the devil is a LIAR!!

Why do I say this? I say this, because as I was doing some research for my Facebook fan page, I stumbled upon a tumblr site called “That plate”. A virtual cornucopia of people’s culinary talents aka mishaps, oh good lawds, and WTHs! all on the plate… Where’s this been all of my life?! I live for comedy like this! Although, I’m pretty sure that the individuals who uploaded their “masterpieces” never envisioned their pictures would land on a website like this. Oh the shame! tee hee. After a moment or two of scrolling through these images of death and destruction, one picture caught my eye and made me clutch my pearls. It was a picture from Lil Scrappy’s twitter account.

I rebuke you Satan! Get thee behind me!

I can hear my grandmother now “Oh Bless her heart!” Well, at least something’s getting blessed, because this plate needs all the benediction it can get. If you’re wondering what clump of damnation is that in the corner, well your guess is as good as mine…I mean that. However, I’m not ev’em mad at him though for standing by his woman, and if Erica happens to read this, I hear by offer up my services to give her some lessons, because I can’t let a sister go down like this. Man down! Man down! Cuz it’s 187 on my stomach!

Sigh, I guess the struggle continues.

Easy reading on a Sunday evening….

I can’t sleep. So, what am I going to do? I’m going to read people on the events of Sunday, November 25, 2012…yeah, I had to get official with it.

So, first and foremost I need to put down my two cents on the Soul Train Awards. I, along with millions of my fellow melanin infused brethren watched, eyerolled, and probably danced to many, if not all of the performances of last night’s show. I’ll admit there were a lot highlights, but dammit if the lowlights didn’t want to make you scream bloody murder! Yes, people are going to get read to filth in this post, and although I’m all about positivity within my race, I’m not above  checkin people who need to be checked. Like big mama! ” I only beat ya’ cuz I luv ya!” So here is goes…

1. What was the whole point of having Billy Crystal in the intro of the show? It seemed so out-of-place like Ann Romney during praise and worship at a black Baptist church!

2. Is it me or was Bill Bellamy’s hairscalpaskull glowing last night!? I mean, it was glistening! Like Chris Rock said…”Throw some sand on him”

3. Everyone’s already commented on Miguel and his, um…look, but I’m shocked no one said anything about how his girlfriend was hanging AWL OVA him when he accepted the award for best r&b artist! It was like she wanted everyone to make sure dat a** was hers! Like she put a down payment on it, and waiting for the rebates to start coming in. Sheesh girl…calm down.

4. What’s the deal with Ne-yo and the white trench coats? Is he bringing back a newly envisioned version of the ‘Weather Girls-It’s Raining Men”? Also, I wanna know whose idea it was to have that dawn of the dead crowd pit next to the stage? They had to have been the most stoic crowd EVA!

5. Another huh? moment: the skit of Cedric w/ Donnie & Marie Osmond? o_O uh, yeah. Huh?

6. Too many and ill-timed commercial breaks!!!! I mean they were throwing those suckas in like the Superbowl! I was waiting to see a half-time show afterwards.

7. Who else is getting tired of Keyshia Cole and her “angry, bitter black woman” persona? I need more joy Keyshia! You’ve got a fine milk chocolate husband and a beautiful baby boy….See Ms. Celie, you’s has a pretty smile!

8. Sword swallower? Really? I would sooo loved to have been there when they asked her if she’d liked to do a trick on the show! Lmao I would’ve needed a few drinks in me to do that.

9. Why why why did they dust off Flava Flav and put him on stage? Poor Estelle and Mc Lyte looked traumatized. However, they handled it! Like champs! No Abilify needed. Pow!

10. I’m glad that New Edition were honored with the lifetime achievement award for a 30 yr career and all, but I’m mad, because that would mean my behind is how old?!!!!

11. Is it me or was Bobby Brown trying to recapture his career during their performance?! lol Just snatching the air–just snatching!

12. I wonder, is Quentin Tarantino scared that black people won’t go see Django? They were pimping that movie harder than a retired prostitute with yuck mouth and a wooden leg! And Jamie Foxx was almost begging–begging hard too, as if his whole entire career was riding on it ( maybe it is). It’s okay man…I’m sure people are going to see it for nothing other than to see DiCaprio acting all swarthy! lol

Whewwww…ok I’m done.

Now, what’s this croonery going on with Chris Brown spitting words of FIYA at this woman Jenny Johnson? Twitter was aflame involving the antics of said Ms. Brown (yes, I said Ms. Brown) getting all huffy about what Ms. Johnson posted on her twitter! I feel like I’m gossiping with my mother over what happened at last year’s welcoming ceremony @ church! lol OOoo lawd chile…Ms. Brown and Ms. Johnson are cussin each other again. He and Rihanna need Jesus and a seat. #phoreal

have a seat right here, next to me!

What were your huh? moments?

In another edition of “Jesus take the wheel” news, reports are buzzing about the alleged  altercation between Halle’s current love interest Olivier Martinez, and the father of her daughter Nahla, Gabriel Aubry Thanksgiving Morning. Apparently, the two french hunks decided to have a brawl for it all over the mashed potatoes and gravy; deciding who should get the last piece of pumpkin pie. Seriously, sources close to the couple have said the fight started while Gabriel (baby daddy) was returning daughter Nahla back to the house, for the custodial handover.  Aubry, still parked in the driveway, was then approached by Martinez, where the two supposedly had a heated exchange of words– no one knows exactly what was said, because the two were spitting french words of FIYA! at each other. Vive la France! et Canada!

Unfortunately, the melee escalated quickly to punches being thrown at each other, ending with Halle’s soon-to-be hubby straddling the beaten and worn baby daddy on the ground. Police were then called, and Olivier decided to make a citizen’s arrest against his fellow ‘Mon Frere’ for assault. Aubry was then taken to the ER, and cited while he awaited treatment.

Sad…and you thought you had your own batch of hot baked drama on Turkey Day! lol

Law enforcement sources report, that a judge will most likely issue an order or protection, which requires Aubry to stay at least 100 yards away from the happy bunch.

Mon Dieu! Qu’est-ce qui se passe? Halle?

You sure you wanna hang with old Eddie Kane?

Well it seems like Michael Wright aka Eddie Kane Jr. can’t seem to stay out of trouble these days. According to TMZ  the actor reportedly crashed his 78′ Rolls Royce into a police car while under the influence of some apparently wickedly strong hooch. TMZ reported that their sources in law enforcement did a runteldat on Wright, saying that he crashed into the police car while attempting to park his car as two officers sat in the cruiser.

The incident took place in Manhattan where the two officers suspected Wright of being drunk because of the smell of alcohol on his breath. The two officers reportedly administered a field sobriety test and unfortunately for Wright, he did not pass the test and he was arrested on the spot.

I just hate to hear stories like this, and I really hope he gets some help.  However, in the meantime, I’m fighting the air.

What’s all this that I’m hearing on the internet about the bromance break-up between Floyd Mayweather and 50 cent?

I mean, I care about neither one of them, but all the press that I’m seeing feels like one of those juicy Facebook “BATTLE OF THE POSTS!” and you all know how much I love reading those. Speaking of e-battles, I think the two lovebirds have taken their spittle spattle to Twitter…awww someone go get tink tink a kleenex!
Apparently, the whole “feud” started over 50 cent’s (Curtis Jackson) comments, stating that he can’t hang out with someone who’s avoiding a fight with Manny Pacquiao. The rapper went as far as to put his true feelings about the relationship on his Twitter, and I quote: ”  I can’t hang out with Floyd Mayweather Jr. no more; I’m tired of [him] running from Manny Pacquiao.” Dang Curtis! It’s like that now? Are you two going to sleep with each others’ friends? Coming over the apartment, and seeing your ish in a box to the left? Wooooow! May! Don’t give the ring back boo! It’s yours gurl! Well, obviously Floyd was not pleased with 50 cent, and did what any jilted ex-love would…he fired back on Twitter as well:

A male boxing groupie.. hold my belts because your album sales have declined

Oh, and my favorite….

Men lie.. women lie numbers don’t lie. Wayne, Drake, Rick Ross, Kanye please help this boy

Don’t May sound like a bitter woman?! lol Soon, he’ll be posting pics of him dipping Doritos in a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream. Doggone shame, and they were just about to get a house together too. Oh well.

Remove the fly swatters, and put up the floral house coats, because Tyler Perry aka (Medea) has decided to step into the role made famous by Morgan Freeman in the 1997 Thriller “Kiss the Girls” , as the hard as nails

detective/ forensic psychologist Alex Cross. Unfortunately, movie goers are having a tough time believing the authenticity of the change-up, well the critics are anyway…and no, not the folks who wanna play at being critics, but the people who actually get paid to sit in the dark, and twiddle their lives away while looking at a big screen. Oh, how fun!!!!

Critics across the board have basically given this movie the swan song when it comes to the ratings, which is especially sad right before the weekend as well. I mean who isn’t waiting with bated breath to see Tyler Perry in a movie?!!! (if you can’t get the sarcasm, then I’ve lost my touch. lol) All jokes aside, however I’m kinda glad that the writer/director/actor has decided to step out of the “coonfoolery” antics of his feminine alter-ego, Medea.

I find it refreshing to see him branching out into different waters, and roles.  Although, I’m not planning on going to the see the movie myself, not because of the critics, but…for not being a big fan of Mr. Perry. I’m sorry folks.

Does this mean that Perry should stick to his day job? I don’t think so…Will it harm any future endeavors into the dramatic ring? That remains to be seen. However, the bigger question is, is it worth you plunking down your hard-earned cash to go see it? I don’t know, you tell me.

Alex Cross trailer