WARNING: This blog post may contain moments of confusion, bewilderment and rant worthy paragraphs. However, I assure you, I’m a professional– I do crazy well.

To be honest, I’ve done a recap already of this year’s shenanigans ( did she really say that?), but I wanted to do a different take on it, basically giving my twisted, downright gritty, yelling at the tv spin on it all. As the year closes, I’m left with a bevy of questions–some of which I doubt will ever see the light of day. For one reason, I don’t think I want to reveal the depth of eccentricity I truly do have lingering around in my head like Lindsey Lohan, trying to dodge the paparazzi. However, there are others I’ve found myself scratching at the surface to uncover, because I REFUSE to go into yet another year toting this with me like Chicken George in Roots. So, excuse me while I air out some thoughts and conundrums, if I don’t, I’m pretty sure y’all will find me hugging my knees somewhere, tahknbout “Dey woat lemme be”.

1. Kanye West

Yes sir, Mr. Kantgetrite has let his crazy loose out onto the world this year in the form of leather chaps, a baby alive doll, and his book-a-gig appearances he has subjected us to as a form of purgatory punishment. He has gone from photo bombing his…”girlfriend’s” (Kimmy CowKakes Kardashian) “reality” show, to singing at the Juke Joint cameo spots with various keystone artists on various tracks that had evrybotty scratching their heads wondering…why?

Call it what you want, but you can’t deny Kanolysol really turned it up in these twelve months! From dressing his pet Kardashian in sad lil polar bear booties to prancing around in his glistening rawhide skirt, he has truly grated on my nerves this year. Good play sir, Good play.

2. Gabby (Gabrielle) Douglas

Okay honestly, I really didn’t tune in to the Olympics this Summer, because for one they were airing events that I had never even heard of, and were showing them on a thousand different channels at different times!

However, I did managed to catch all the nonsense and pure foolishhuhwatness surrounding Gabby Douglas, and the drama about her hair. For days, even weeks–even after London was left with a gaping hole in its center from the games, people still went on about how her do wasn’t did…what?! The girl was competing in an international event, garnering accolades, honors and medals– making history, and people decided to concern themselves about hair?! Yeah, have a seat somewhere, the bus shall come along for you presently. I swear the whole thing had me screaming at the television screen baying for the yaky weave hounds, because I was fuming; I bet you, those same individuals are sitting on the couch right now DVR’ing upcoming episodes of Real housewives of Love and Hip Hop.

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3. Tributes

This year witnessed many famous personalities being called home to glory. From Whitney Houston, Sherman Hemsley, Donna Summer, Etta James, Michael Clark Duncan and many others, and one thing you can say about our people is the fact we salute our dearly departed in style. However, I had a problem with the selection of some of the musicians chosen to pay tribute to these icons. Firstly, I’ve a bone to pick with Jennifer Hudson…since when did she become a professional mourner? I’ll admit missy can sang–not sing, but saaannngg, but why is she the first one to be called whenever an award show wants to pay homage? Is she sitting by the phone waiting? Does she have a private line like a bat phone?? Who knows, but I’d like for her to sit one out. Just one.

4. The Presidential Debates

Lawd hunty chile I have never been so stressed out in all of my thirty-three years of life on this precious planet, than I was during this year’s debates. Every day since the campaign trail started, I’ve been in cold sweats, withdrawals, and irritable fits of rage– and that’s was just from the commentary alone! I don’t think I’ve ever swore as much during the Superbowl as I did during the first televised chitter chatter meet-up of President Obama and Mittens Romney. I was fidgety and anxious– yelling at my President to bob a weave, to stick and move! But no such luck. However, I can’t be too mad because I understood that my president was behaving like he was, my president, I couldn’t expect him to get all indignant and reckless on Mutton! But in my heart I wanted him to lay a UFC smack down on him. Oh, it eventually came in round two, but not before Joe “hit em up ” Biden laid waste to Motor’s page-boy Ryan. In fact, I don’t think I fully calmed down till after the election was over and done with and when it was….

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5. Freaking Gangnam style plague

This whole summer was wrought with me clenching my ears in frustration, because it seemed like everyone on this watery globe was under the influence of the dang song. It was like a zombie outbreak! I’m quite sure that had a zombie outbreak occurred, the dead would’ve broke out into a flash mob of this debauchery. Fly, sly, ply…whatever his name is was EVERYWHERE! on talk shows, award shows; early morning television, mid-afternoon television, late night television…television! I couldn’t be rid of the glistening parody, and no one knew what he was taumbout anyway…oh lawd, I’ve the song in my head now. Ughhh…sexy lady.

6. Speaking of Zombies…

O.M.G how many of y’all have heard about “The Walking Dead”? If you haven’t you better get up on it, because that has to be one of the greatest shows on cable television right now…well in my opinion anyway. I simply ADORE this show with every fiber of being; I wanna have Daryl Dixon’s babies, I want to go out and buy a crossbow (Uh…maybe not), and start popping people in the butt. Okay, I really don’t need a zombie apocalypse for that to happen, but at least I wouldn’t have to lie about why I shot cha! Right?! The only caveat I have with the show is the fact the producers presumably have it out for the…darker skinned folk, simply due to the fact for every five episodes, one black character dies. If you were to average out the life expectancy of all of the black characters on the program in real life, it would pan out to about a week– month tops. Seriously, in fact the longest living black character on the show was dude from the first season (name escapes me now), and he had to leave the CITY! aka the sho altogether to make it! AMC don’t like black people! lol  I kid, I kid…at least they still have Michonne, so I can relax…a little.

7. One sentence. Honeybooboo chile. What?

8. Vaya con Dios Twinkie

I know I shouldn’t bring this up, especially when I know some of y’all may still be in mourning. However, when did y’all get all wonky in the head over Hostess? I mean, people were clearing out shelves like it was a natural disaster. You people, yes YOU…were twerking for these yellow clouds, scalping them on Ebay for hundreds of dollars, and for what? Just so you can say that you’ve got the last known piece of the confectionery crack in existence?! Wow.

9. Royal Pregnancy

Am I the only one in the world who didn’t care a smidgen once word got out Prince William finally put a bun in Kate’s oven? I still don’t care honestly, however I wish them  all the best. I’m just more upset that a poor nurse got caught up in the hoopla, and it cost her her life.

10. Mass Shootings

This year was marred with tragedy. We have seen shootings in Oregon, Arizona, Colorado, and now Connecticut– death of innocence through violence gaining ground everywhere you turned. Many times this year, I found myself losing hope for humanity, and I’m not sure if my faith will ever be restored, but I’m a patient person.

11. Another one word: YOLO

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12. Doomsday Prediction

All year long I had to hear an insipid countdown, watch a marathon of “End of yo world” preppers, sit through a BS movie about the very same subject, and endure the onslaught of Facebook drivel about this supposed end of days foretold by the Mayans hundreds of years ago. I can’t fully illustrate the annoyance it brought about, because anyone with half a mind knew it was utter…manure! However, as with all sensationalistic topics, people ate it up like yesterday’s curry and threw in some peppermints as well. December 21, 2012…a date that I can’t scour from my mind! I wish I could, but I can’t…and guess what, if you haven’t noticed we’re still here! lol

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May Tommy lee bless you with the eternal side-eye.

Well my people that be the end of dis herr rant, and I look forward to speaking with you all again next year!

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