Archive for October, 2012

The placeholder relationship

We have all gone through it at one part in our lives–perhaps you’re going through one right now! The temporary, meantime in between relationship. We may have willingly entered into an union that we knew deep down in our guts to be wrong for us, but decided to step over the threshold based on some fear of being alone; we have perhaps tried to “swim up-stream” as it were, trying to fit a square peg into the round hole of our lives.

However, there’s something about a “placeholder” relationship that keeps us engaged, and willing to force it into some semblance of a paring which has no business of being  a reality in the first place. It could be that the man possesses good looks, prestige, or a great career; or the woman has an amazing body, and supermodel qualities, but underneath it all, they may also possess a behavioral trait that we deem to be a deal breaker! The kind of behavior that at any other moment you wouldn’t have even given them the time of day, let alone your body, heart and mind. Character should never be a trading chip for the cessation of loneliness. Although, this relationship may keep your bed warm on a cold winter night, but in all honesty, it’s holding you back from finding what really makes you happy.

The “nothing gets you over the old one, than a new one” ideology has gotten many into trouble, because we tend to find ourselves repeating a pattern of rebounds and drive thru hook-ups. Keeping us from truly finding “Mr. Ms. Right for me”, because “Mr. Ms. Right Now” is blocking our view. We all know that saying goodbye to an old relationship is hard, but we shouldn’t hold onto one that is going nowhere just so we can say that we’re going “somewhere”. Once we own up to the fact that this “placeholder” isn’t working in the first place, we may not enter into it at all. Once we do that, we then free ourselves up for receiving that forever love, or as Diana and Lionel said, “You’ll always be, my endless love!”  I bet you’re singing it right now, aren’t you? lol
Now, let’s take a cleansing breath…Inhale…count to three…exhale. Feels good right?!

Building a lasting relationship that will meet all of our your needs, not just our wants, takes some serious planning, and needs to be handled with the same care as you would any other serious issue in your life. Before you decide to be one half of a couple, first put all of the qualities (the serious and realistic ones) that you seek in a potential mate, weighing out the qualities that you value the most to the ones which don’t really make or break you, and apply it to all of your future romantic mates. However, really think about it…go into it with a long-term mind, and leave the temporary attitude behind. Oh that rhymed! Ok, back to being serious.

The bible tells us that “we shall know the tree by the fruit it bears” Matthew 7:17; same thing can be said about the involvements that we seek in our lives, whether it’s platonic or romantic. No one can keep up the charade for too long, and that which is hidden or done in the dark  shall be brought to the light. So, in other words, if you’re gonna come, you better come correct people.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to dissuade you from having relationship, but I’m trying to get you to acknowledge the pitfalls of seeking a meantime person, it’s alright to have friendships and date. However, you don’t need to call everyone you “hang out” with your boyfriend or girlfriend. We all want the wife, husband, and the 2.5 children (that expression always confused me.)– the white picket fence, with the two car garage. However, let me put it to you like this, how would all feel if you achieved that with someone you didn’t really LOVE!

It’d suck right?

If you don’t believe me, let me give you a real life testimonial from what can happen when you wait for the right one:

“Well I have been with my hubby for five years and we have been married three years. Well, we do not do the candle light dinner thing. We just talk,talk deeply about things from the heart. We make lots of love. We are honest with each other. We are always talking about improving our communication. We are just so deeply in love and hot for each other that it just really does not take much for us to get going sexually, emotionally, physically etc. LOL!”

Black Women Who Know Their Worth


Own your life dears, don’t EVER settle for someone or something that doesn’t make your spirit sing. Instead, remind yourself constantly, that you will not disrespect yourself by accepting less than, second, or also-rans. Never take anything that doesn’t honor your self-worth.

Be well my dears.

So, new pictures were released today showing Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone…all I can say is…nope nada, what in the hill?

Everyone knows I like to rant, and rant I do, ALL day EVERYDAY. However, I only do it when I have something to say, but on this? I’m struck speechless!!!!!!!!!


Who do they think they’re fooling with this downright peanut and boo boo ratchetery? Now, this is by no means a put down of my girl Zoe, I love her, but this is not AVATAR, and no amount of CGI is going to make this passable. I wanna scream PINEAPPLES for this bad attempt to fool us, are we suppose to believe that these two women look alike?!…I can almost hear Maury saying “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!!” *cue the slab of shaquidakikinaynay (but they have the same pinkie toe) drop to the floor*

I’m not going to say anymore, because I’ve already gone into depth on it


Nah ah Mr. Postman, Mr. big shot movie producer, I’m pretty sure you could’ve done WAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY better than that! And the church say amen….

I’m out!

Earlier today, I came across an article about the recent genocide occurring in PNG (Papua New Guinea), by the hands of the Indonesian Government, the war that we (westerns) DO NOT see, the story that remains hidden behind the selective veil of the media. I was left wondering, why don’t we hear more about the atrocities of other nations? Especially, those nations with African ancestry?! Is the media becoming increasingly whitewashed?

A myriad of stories pertaining to the African race have gone missing from our television, and eluding our attention; slipping through the mainstream fingers of the world, where there has been a cultural upheaval within our community. No where on our television screens, or in our newspapers do we hear about rapes, and assaults, murders (at the hands of others), and abductions of our people who don’t adhere to the social stratification of African, or those belonging to a darker skinned race other than Caucasians. Unfortunately, our only appearance in/on/worthy of publication, is the snap like images of our people killing one another, engaging in “coonfoolery”, and criminality. It saddens me to say, that in many ways we are also to blame at how our image has been portrayed, and conveyed to the masses. We had liken ourselves to be the happy house nigga, allowing massa to keep us well feed, and presentable like a well-trained pet.

In other words, our history has been BASTARDIZE. I use this term deliberately and often, because that’s exactly what’s happening. We have permitted other racial ideologies to define, rape, and murder us in tiny increments…essentially, we’ve lost OWNERSHIP and lack ACCOUNTABILITY for ourselves; what we say yes to, and how we’re represented. If you don’t believe me, ask a child a question giving them an opportunity to name five influential black people, and then ask them to name five black entertainment personalities; you’ll see how dishearten the results will be. Can we shoulder ALL of the blame? No! however, we do have the power to say enough is enough!!!!

Look at the stark contrast and social science of how the news of the world is reported…I mean really pay attention to how racially bias it is…how many of you have heard about the genocide in Rwanda in the 90’s? or how many black children have gone missing within the past decade. If I were to say Lacey Peterson, Natalee Holloway, Polly Klaas, Elizabeth Smart, you’d immediately know of whom I was talking about, however if I were to say Elizabeth Jane Smallwood, Tamika Huston, Phylicia Barnes, Evelyn A. Shelton, Brittany Renee Williams, you’d probably have no idea– just because the former list of names are all white, and the latter are all black…see what I mean

Today’s world has become so brainwashed, so inert that it’s almost like we’re living in some scene from the “Matrix“, in fact I’ll quote Morpheus:

Morpheus: The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save…” “You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it….”

It gets you to contemplate the systematic genocide of our heritage doesn’t it?

Begging like Keith Sweat: Sexy or not?

“Ain’t nothing going on, but the rent!”…Gwen Guthrie laid it out for the ladies back in the 80’s, and for a while that was the anthem for women back then. For a time, there was a general consensus that women needed to be provided for, and “kept” by the man in their lives. However, times have change…somewhat. I mean, there are still women out there who expect their guy to carry them around in their back pocket, but ladies let me ask you this, what if the circumstances were different.

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Remove the fly swatters, and put up the floral house coats, because Tyler Perry aka (Medea) has decided to step into the role made famous by Morgan Freeman in the 1997 Thriller “Kiss the Girls” , as the hard as nails

detective/ forensic psychologist Alex Cross. Unfortunately, movie goers are having a tough time believing the authenticity of the change-up, well the critics are anyway…and no, not the folks who wanna play at being critics, but the people who actually get paid to sit in the dark, and twiddle their lives away while looking at a big screen. Oh, how fun!!!!

Critics across the board have basically given this movie the swan song when it comes to the ratings, which is especially sad right before the weekend as well. I mean who isn’t waiting with bated breath to see Tyler Perry in a movie?!!! (if you can’t get the sarcasm, then I’ve lost my touch. lol) All jokes aside, however I’m kinda glad that the writer/director/actor has decided to step out of the “coonfoolery” antics of his feminine alter-ego, Medea.

I find it refreshing to see him branching out into different waters, and roles.  Although, I’m not planning on going to the see the movie myself, not because of the critics, but…for not being a big fan of Mr. Perry. I’m sorry folks.

Does this mean that Perry should stick to his day job? I don’t think so…Will it harm any future endeavors into the dramatic ring? That remains to be seen. However, the bigger question is, is it worth you plunking down your hard-earned cash to go see it? I don’t know, you tell me.

Alex Cross trailer

“B*tch Bad” maybe good afterall

We all know that there is an unspoken power to the words that we say, and put out there into the universe. We are also highly aware of the fact, that what we say to one another can have an adverse effect on individuals, and our society, whether it be little or small.

In the latter part of the 80’s, West Coast’s NWA, emerged onto the scene, exposing the edgy, raw, and most of all honest glimpses of the dire circumstances the youth of the inner cities had to face. No one will deny that the images, along with the message, held a certain level of grit, that stuck to the minds of hip-hop lovers, making it highly successful. However, over the span of more than two decades, the genre of gangster rap has become a victim of its own success, with its negative connotation, and misogynistic views; turning their rhythmic tales of reality into all too predictable story of shallow stereotypes meant to degrade and belittle the women of our culture. Even today, we’re still being inundated with scenes in contemporary hip-hop of African-American males “popping bottles”, and exploiting women in scantily clad outfits, and flashing money as a sign of success. Messages that the youth of today or being VERY receptive to, thus giving the impression that it’s ok to be a savage.

So many artists have seemingly sold out to the record company devils for the almighty dollar; resorting to the barbaric antics of calling our sisters out of their name, all for the sake of increasing record sales. Also, today’s hip-hop artists have opted to put forth the notion that it’s acceptable for black men to think of themselves as players, gangsters, and thugs; possibly irrevocably damaging the majesty of the black man in the eyes of the generation coming up. Sure it’s selling and it’s popular, but at what cost?

Now, this is one of the main reasons why I don’t listen to rap and Hip-hop today, because of disparaging opinions of our own people towards each other, but I recently came across an artist by the name of Lupe Fiasco, more particularly a song called “B*tch Bad. In it, he explores the self-imposed negativity of rap, and the impact that it has on our youth and culture. I for one am happy that this song is getting the recognition that it deserves, however I wonder, is three minutes of right enough to fix 20 years of wrong?

We shall see…it only takes a step.

Take a gander…it’s basically just like the blog just…smaller. lol

Thrifty Thursday: Second Hand Helpings

We live in hard times, and the prices for things keep creeping and creeping up on you like a stalker.  Gas, food, housing……killing us in the pocket.  That includes clothing; but I’m here to tell you that you do not have to be rich in order to wear high-end, high quality threads.  I have Prada taste, but have a Walmart budget.  But I rarely pay retail for clothing and they still look great.  They key is to know where to go and what to look for.  This week we are going to focus on second hand shopping.  No this is not your average Salvation Army polyester pant search; though I kid because you can find really good items in the Salvation Army.  In the land of second hand there are different tiers of shopping (consignment, thrift, vintage) and with each one comes different prices.  But with careful searching you can find great clothing pieces for you or those in your family for a fraction of the original retail cost.  Here are a few of my favorite places for trendy clothes on the cheap……

Plato’s Closet.  This place only accepts clothes in REALLY good shape so be prepared to find clothes that have barely been or never been worn.  More for the teen to twenty-something crowd, though.

Buffalo Exchange.  The land of vintage.  Looking for a pair of Jordache jeans that are not beat to crap?  Being your search here.

Stork Broker’s – Looking for a great deal on baby clothing?  Great place to start.  These places are ultra picky in the items they accept for resale, so most of the items are like new.

Ebay.  Yes, ebay.  This place is a lot different than in years before, but you can still find a great deal here if you are up for bidding wars.  This place is usually for the tenacious and patient buyer.

Jill’s Consignment.  This place is for high end accessories (Chanel, Jimmy Choo, etc) so you will end up paying more, but you can still make a killing if you usually pay full retail for these items.

And there are the local shops in your town.  There are always tons in most major cities, so clear a Saturday and take a look.

Anyways those are some of the places where you can satisfy your designer addiction without going broke.

Happy shopping!

Ok, as you may have already deduced, from print, to the television headlines about the outcome of the debates last night, that it was a debacle. Millions of viewers (including me) tuned in to listen to the critical issues,  during the first ( of many) presidential debate last night. I, along with I presume countless others, sat and listened inquisitively, as each man presented his position on the hot topics concerning Americans in this crucial time before the election.

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We all knew it was only a matter of time before these two divas started swinging for the fences at one another, before the makeup got smudged, lace fronts got readjusted, and the refined star “image” was reverted back to GHETTO! and it’s finally arrived.

During the North Carolina auditions for “American Idol”, Nicki and Mariah had a bit of a disagreement over a contestant’s performance, which led to a heated exchange of words between the two judges, followed by a string of expletives, and borderline lyrical assault by Ms. Minaj in words of “I told them, I’m not f—in’ putting up with her f—in’ highness over there.”

Needless to say that much of this tirade was caught on tape, but I highly doubt that anything part of the b***hfest will actually be seen, even on Fox. I’m guessing even that level of hoodtomfoolery was too much for the network to bear, but c’mon now, a little of the ratchetness would have been nice to watch, not everyone can tune into Maury all the time.

I think this may be enough for me to flip from “The Voice” (occasionally) just to witness the hot mess that’s going on between these two. I wonder where Randy and Keith were at when this all went down? Probably hiding underneath the table sucking down a Pepsi….gotta rep the sponsors somehow! lol